The Fukat Arena

After a long time there has been some activity on FUKAT, with a smashing post by CTC or Craposaurus and what better thing to talk about then the God's. But now I really feel if FUKAT has any competition it is from the God's themselves, I assume they just could not digest people enjoying FUKAT so at some places they started drinking milk at other they made the water sweet and at some other they appeared on the walls. All this to divert the attention away from FUKAT, but thats not happening any soon. There have been some developments which yours truly cannot share right now which can help FUKAT achieve another level of popularity after the initial success, till then keep guessing.

The second biggest competition that FUKAT faces is from the terrorist, I mean they have been so active lately that people really don't want to take time out of watching piles of human shit on TV and read FUKAT, So a good idea would be a FUKAT radio probably if they don't have to spend the effort reading they might just follow FUKAT more.

The 3rd and the last competition that FUKAT faces is from none other than the smartest President of America, If you still can't recall, That Chimp looking dumb ass. And yeah its implicit that he has company of Blair the bastard. If you can't get it yet, "You are either with us or against us" now we want to be neutral so are scared to death these days Since we recieved a call from White house asking

Caller - Whadya doin?
Me - As usual nothing.
Caller - Oh I had ta ask somethin, You with us(US).
Me - No... I need to...
Caller - Condi shud I'd go the loo, ask Cheney to bomb em.

Since then I am running scared shunning all buildings, If some one has any idea of a kholi in a slum so let me know.

Many people asked me who was the winner of the FUKAT title, well if you are really in that league you won't ask me and the question would always be open for you. After all what did you think we would organise a award ceremony and present an award to the winner, huh don't you understand we are different we organise a competition and for a change don't declare the winner.

Now after reading all this crap if you ask me what this post was all about, then please don't visit this blog again. This blog was never to serve any purpose and never would and this post is in the same spirit.

On closing lines a PJ from our Craposaurus,

Hindi Cheeni -- Bhai Bhai.
Angrezi Cheeni -- Sugar.

It has been found today that in one remote corner of Kanjur Marg, HP was found to be drinking milk.

Yes, very true. Now, it is been common knowledge that at HP’s home wash basins,cats,flower pots and other sundries were always found to be drinking milk but somehow, the milk would never go down HP’s throats. But, in a bizarre turn of events, it was found that a mixture of badam, pista and Bournvita and off course Mahananda milk seemed to please HP. Indeed a heart warming story!! Sources say that there has been a steady stream of visitors to his home since the news spread in Kanjur and other neighboring areas.

And, in totally unrelated incident, Gods decided to steal the thunder from HP on the same day. Rumors abound that idols across various temples across India are supposedly drinking milk.

Well, as HP always used to say, Gods always gang up against him

HP had one day to become famous but all came to naught. Now, the stream of visitors have reduced to a trickle. Poor HP, I say!!!

Btw, Wonder, what flavor Gods favour!! And if idols are indeed devouring milk, then do I need to go easy on keeping sweets the next time on the Pooja Thaali. It was always assumed that one just needs to show the sweets to God, sweets will be blessed by God and then one can hog as much as one wants.

Wonder, what this world is coming to. Now, you can’t even trust Gods to keep their part of the deal.

Cheers,

HP

In my discussions with some of my friends on their career and professional choices, one of the best comments came from a sports racer, not sure if it was his original though, The best business to be in, in this country are Sports, Bollywood and Politics for sure, but there is one thing that's on top of these three and that's religion.

Yes I said religion, one would ask business being a religion, why not just take a look around the country. I assume the maximum number of tourists that this country entertains are on religious or spiritual quest and the exoticism that the western writers have attached to the east certainly has a major role in it. Coming back to the business plan, Over a cup of evening coffee one of my friend and colleague decides he wants to be God or more rightly put a Godmen. Now the thoughts turn to finding a suitable business plan and I for once readily agree to play a second fiddle by being the marketing manager for the "Baba". Since baba's are supposed to be the one who renounce the world atleast in front of the general public, this job wasn't for me and that explains my choice.

We quickly narrowed down to our clientele which certainly would be the rich class, yeah we can manage to entertain the upper middle class too, but you know they don't brin in that kinda dough. The most important target audience would be the firangs though, you know the a dollar and pound is 45/80 times more than the rupee. Well before you might think we are all for money I should clarify this is the business of spiritual guidance for the mortal souls, wretched and other wise, who have undegorne the travesty of humanely life, troubled by inhuman acts of depraved souls. Now don't ask the meaning of all that, that's for the baba to explain.

The most important aspect has to be the baba, he has to be an attractive personality, generating positive vibes and able to bond people quickly. So our would be baba is a suave, young gentleman with military training and with the ability to bond with people. Recently some xyz devi came in his dream to inform that he is the chosen one and should alleviate the troubles of the miserly souls of this earth.

The only trouble is that our would be baba is going to UK for 6 months, yeah I know that was a certain party pooper, but this has come as even a bigger opportunity as our baba can start our right from the place where are clients reside that way they would save on traveling cost to India. Hope I move to UK soon, you know without good marketing managers like me the baba can never achieve great business or sorry I meant following.

So what say people, what do you think of the plan. All suggestions good or bad are welcome, kyun ki sab maya hai.

This is the story of the souls troubled by the company named, Wife Computer Systems ltd(WCS).

So this starts in Feb 2004 when one "As If" Khan was having the time of his life in a college called GNK with his love "Sweet" Bhat. One fine afternoon, one Mr. "Nill" Warrier turns up in the college to give a presentation on what he termed as the recruitment drive for WCS. Although As If was highly apprehensive even of sitting for the presentation, finally he made the mistake of sitting for Nill's presentation. Mr. Nill laid a beautiful trap making big promises to the poor innocent souls who had no idea what was in store making a bold statement "We don't oblige you by giving you the job and you don't oblige by working for us". The simple clear of the word meant the company meant business and nothing more.

So on another fateful day, As If with his friends braved a severe pain and arrived at the venue for what was supposed to be a recruitment test. A crowd of around 2 thousand had gathered for the interviews out of which only 120 were supposed to be selected. There was a mad scramble with people standing in long queues, yelling, shouting jumping ahead of each other to give the test first. It very much seemed as if a crowd of beggars had gathered outside a temple for alms. As If decided he had too much self respect left to bear all this for a stupid job since he already had an offer letter from a BPO paying quite much more than WCS. But on persuasion of Sweet B. and other friends he persisted.In the mid of this mayhem they somehow managed to give a test which a stupid student of 10th Std could anytime clear. As If along with his GF got selected for the job which both of them were highly aprehensive of taking up but they did.

The day of 5th May is one day in life which As If would never forget, coz this was the day when he landed up for the first time in what was supposed to be the training room of WCS located in what was called as SDFVII or Sadu Dhakkan Factory. One can understand the pitiful management from the fact that the nearest toilets were 3 floors away, so if u r in hurry carry another set of clothes was the motto.

A group of 30-35 ppl or what was later termed as PPP's "Pagle Paltu Pille" had gathered in a room which had an AC which worked only at freezing temperature resulting in a sleepy audience. An old frail lanky man called Mutwani turned up with a dangerous looking madrasi lady called Bandra Remedy and informed that their session would start in sometime from now, some people tried to protest that they haven't informed home(poor little kids) But Mr Mutwani insisted that fill up forms that they won't leave the company for 3 years then only were they allowed to leave. Most of them signed the forms including As If and Sweet B. Poor souls little did they know that they were signing their death warrants by their own hands.

Since from here the story involves the other PPP's to I would like them to contribute their point of view.

So after putting in a lot of thought over the title of this blog, I realised that its a big mistake naming the title as "Fukat King" after all the participants and the viewers are not just limited to men. So I regret my mistake and take the immediate step of changing the title to "Fukat Arena".

For all those who thought that the FUKAT competition is running out of steam are in for a surprise. Keeping with the great tradition of fukat giri, Zombie ZIOM comes out of his slumber and hits a big one with Kya Hoga Nimmo, Nemo Aur Mattu Ka , just missing a century on debut. I know saying this can break ziom's heart but dude, The chapter is too small and if you really harbour any wishes to displace mattu and kurt and win this competition atleast one more chapter is required.

Neverthless, the post is gr8 peice of work, establishing our reputation as the Biggest, Craziest and wildest FUKAT's on the Wild Web.

I wonder what CTC and Sneh are upto, would they? wouldn't they? come up with something to remain in the reckoning. To use the old cliche' only time would tell. Mean while CTC's blog these days looks more like the one run by Kurt the dirt instead of he himself.

Yours truly would keep you updated on all the happenings on the FUKAT world CIO.

On popular demand and due to some unforseen reason which include the PHD xams of more the half the FUKAT team, not me, we have decided to extend the FUKAT competition for another two weeks.

So keep up the fukat spirits and keep rocking!!!


---Asif